'Roids~ Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

One of the less awesome things about Carter having eight gazillion rounds of chemo are the steroids.  They are lame to the O.  That's right.  Lame-o!  They make him SOOOO hungry.  And I mean STARVING!  This is what he eats on an average day: 6:30am: Wakes up to pee and BEGS us for a snack.  About 7:00 we finally give in and he has a cheese stick or a banana.

7:30am: Breakfast: 2 packs of instant oatmeal, a heafy bowl of cottage cheese, a big bowl of some kind of cereal, 2 glasses of milk.  (He use to eat 2 things of oatmeal and 1/2 a glass of milk)

By 8:15 he's asking when snack time is... not kidding.

10:00: Snack: He'll have some fishies or a cheese stick and then beg for more.  We tell him if he wants more he can have some cucumbers or carrots.  1/2 the time he will; 1.2 the time he won't.  (He use to only eat a snack about 1/2 the time.)

10:20: "When's it going to be lunch time?  I'm STARVING!"  Really?  Wow.

12:00: Lunch:  an entire turkey sandwich, a cheese stick, 1/4 of an apple, some cucumber slices, a gogurt, and some crackers.  (He use to have 1/2 a turkey sandwich and a gogurt.)

12:30 "You know what sounds SOOOOO good, Mom?  A CHEESE STICK!!"  No.

12:45:  "When's snack time?  This medicine makes me SOOOO hungry!"

3:00: Snack: a banana or some other healthy snack.

4:30:  BEGGING for more food.  ("I don't think I can wait for dinner!")

5:30: Dinner.  He eats almost as much as me.  Goes back for seconds if I don't give him enough.  Makes sure before he leaves the dinner table that he'll be able to have a snack before he brushes his teeth for the night.

7:30: Heading for bed:  "Dad, I'm seriously SOOOO hungry.  Can I PLEASE have something to eat?  I'll brush my teeth again!  PUUUU-LEASSEEE!?!?"

11:00ish: Usually wakes up to pee and informs us that he is literally starving to death.  Seriously?  He's got to be kidding, right?  Nope.  All he wants is.... that's right: a cheese stick!  We send him back to bed and assure him that breakfast will come quickly.

He's gained 6 pounds.  (The next part of chemo kills the appetite so it will all go away.)

Aside form the food aspect (I feel like I have a teenage son!) he has SERIOUS muscle weakening.  It sucks.  Bad.  He struggles (and I mean STRUGGLES) getting up and down.  It breaks my heart.  When he gets up off the ground he has to walk his hands up his legs to get completely up.  He trips a lot.  Stairs are near impossible.  I hate watching it.  He's literally deteriorating.  This is not a super common side affect and thank heavens when he's done with this round of the steroids (it's over TODAY!!) they'll be much less often for the rest of the chemo.

These steroids make you retain water.  And crave salt (for him it's cheese).  Bad combo.  But, it's totally killed his sweet tooth.  Hopefully that sticks.  :)

He pees ALL the time.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.

Most kids on these steroids are seriously cranky.  They are little Jeckyl/Hyde type personalities.  The doctor warned us that we would nearly despise our little sweetie by the time Induction (the first section of chemo) ended.  Carter is a little more touchy but we have been very lucky to not see this.  He definitely wants to spend more time alone rather than playing with Addilyn but he's not mean, which is what we were ready for.

The day of the diagnosis

*Sigh* ~Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

Remember this cute hair?  Weel, everytime I touch Carter's head more of it ends up in my palm.  It makes me really sad.  This kid has always had awesome hair.  Thick, beautiful, straight, soft.  I had a good cry over it yesterday.  After I trimmed up the sides I commented to Bryan that it was really course.  Strange for him.  He said it was probably dying.  NOT what I wanted to hear.  After he showered off I was spiking his hair and it was coming out by the handfuls.  Since then I have been touching it as little as possible.  I told him it was probably time to shave it but he doesn't want to.  He thinks people will make fun of him and that he'll look weird.  I assured him that it will be very obvious that he has cancer and that adults will be really, really nice to him.  I told him he needs to milk it.  :)  I have found that we MUST look for the silver lining in order to stay afloat. This is the first thing that has been hard for Carter.  I mean, truly hard.  He's quite logical.  He knows this needs to happen to get his blood healthy.  He knows it will grow back.  I told him hopefully by Halloween it will start growing back (to which he replies: "I hope it doesn't grow back til after Halloween because I want to be Yoda and he's bald."  Silver lining.)  He wants it to grow back just the same color and texture that it is now.  (Well, not green, but his natural color.)  He knows it's falling out at a pretty good rate but he says until there are bald patches he doesn't want to shave it.

He'll win this argument with me.  This is the last shred of "normalcy" this poor kid has.  He can't play sports.  He can't really go to friends houses.  He can't run errands with me.  He can't even go to school.  And now the hair.  Our hair is part of who we are.  We (or most of us) do something with it daily.  Whether it's spike it into a mo-hawk like Carter, pull it into a pony like most mommy's, or spend an hour making it look perfect like most teenage girls, we all have hair.  And every last 5 year old that Carter knows has hair.  And he sees that.  My heart hurts for him.  He's taking it like a man, but this is something he shouldn't have to deal with.  He just shouldn't.  But he is.  He'll get over it.  I think the fear of the unknown is what's getting him right now.  Once it's all gone he'll just roll with it.  I know he will.  Because he's strong.  He's a fighter.  And I love him for it.

"I have Remission!!"~ Colorado Springs Children Photographer

So many great things have happened since Friday afternoon... starting with us coming home from the hospital!!  YEAH!!!  I was so very excited about being together as a family.  The girls were beyond thrilled when Carter walked through the door. (Although they were not beyond thrilled that he went straight in to take a nap.)  Addi hugged him at least three times (lifting her foot each time) and Pres climbed onto the couch and patted him on the head saying "caca" over and over.  (I know... funny that she calls him that, huh?) The warm and fuzzy feeling didn't last long, though.  When we got into our room so he could lay down on the blow up bed which he will be calling home for the next few weeks while we have family here helping out, I took off his jacket only to find... BLOOD!  That's right, folks, blood coming from the end of his newly installed PICC line.  SERIOUSLY!?!?  I immediately called the doctor and left a message.  Then I called the hospital and talked to his nurse who told me to call the at- home nursing agency.  I called them and the nurse told me that I would have to flush it (run saline through it) to make sure it didn't clot.  She would be more than happy to do it but she has a cold.  No one with so much as the sniffles is allowed within 100 yards of Carter so it was up to me.  They rushed some saline and heparin over to me and while I was on the phone with the nurse I flushed it.  As I started to do this blood started coming out from where the PICC line connects to the connector thingy that I connect meds to (pretty sure that's the scientific name for it).  Awesome.  The nurse on the phone told me to try unscrewing it and putting it back on.  Maybe it was just not screwed on correctly (you know when you are trying t put the lid back on the peanut butter and it's just not going...?).  Thank heavens that was the problem.  If that hadn't fixed it, back to the hospital we would have trotted.  *sigh*

But, since then, it's been smooth sailing.  Chemo on Monday was a cinch.  Meds since then have been fine (as long as I don't overthink that the PICC line in which we are shoving meds goes straight to his heart).  And Carter?  Well, he is a CHAMP!  Man alive, that kid has been more of a trooper than I EVER thought he would be.  No complaining from him.  None.  I'm so very proud of him.

This is what a typical day looks like for him concerning meds:  (not using actual names of the medicines because that's just too much info for a blog.)

7:00am -->  Anti bacteria med through the PICC line

8:00am--> Steroid, weekend drug (on the weekends of course), and anti-nausia med. (all oral)

1:30pm --> Anti-fungal drug through the PICC line.

3:00pm--> Anti bacterial med through the PICC line.

7:00pm--> Steroid and weekend drug. (Both oral)

11:00pm--> Anti bacterial med through the PICC line.

The many medicines

The drugs will slow down soon.  After induction he doesn't have the steroid as much (I will have an entire post about the steroid because it's kinda funny) and in a week or so he'll be off the antifungal and antibateria ones.  But I'm sure he'll work some other drugs into the mix at some point.  :)

Books on Cancer

This morning we got a call from Carter's oncologist.  She said she couldn't wait until Monday (our next chemo appointment) to tell us some exciting news.  Carter's cancer is all but GONE!  He is technially in remission!!!  All this really means is that the prognosis is even BETTER than before!!!  He still has the three years of chemotherapy, he'll still lose his hair, he'll still puke his guts out, he's still got a SUPER crappy immune system... BUT HE'LL BE OK!!!!  I seriously would have kissed her if the concersation had been in person!  We are beyond thrilled and Carter called all four of his grandparents to tell them, "I have remission!!!"  I am excited to talk more to Dr Reeves about this when we see her in a few days and while I know the battle is far from over, I feel much more at ease with things.  God is good and the first thing we did when we got off the phone was kneel in prayer and thank him prefusely.  (Ok, actually we went and celebrated with milkshakes and THEN prayed.

Family~ Colorado Springs Children Photographer

Presents from the family We really try to have the girls come in and see Carter at the hospital... problem is that Preslee is a walking tornado (love her dearly) and Addilyn's interest isn't held for longer than 5 minutes.  The entire visit (which on average last for 10-15 minutes) is spent following Pres around and stopping her from messing with the IV tower or stopping her from yanking things off the counter, or telling Addilyn that she needs to play the game on the iPad by herself or telling her to leave Carter's brand new things alone.... it's exhausting.

Future Doctor of America

BUT... we feel it's important for them (especially Addi) to see Carter here in order to better understand that he is really really sick.  She keeps saying "When Carter comes home he's going to be all better!"  Nope.  Not the case.  Three years is a long time to a three year old... in fact it's a lifetime.  Carter also kind of shuts down when too many people are here at one time.  I think it's mostly Preslee because she's SO all over the place.  Often times he'll lay down and pull his blanket over his head.  Poor thing.

Brother and sister bonding in the hospital

Wishful Thinking... Colorado Springs Cancer (?) Photographer

When Carter was diagnosed nearly two weeks ago (seems like it's been SOOO much longer than that but also feels like it was just yesterday) his oncologist asked if I stayed home with the kids.  I told her yes but that I did some photography on the side for fun.  She mentioned a company to me that donates their time (and digital images) to children with cancer.  They do photo shoots of the child with cancer and one or two pictures of the family or the child with the siblings.  I INSTANTLY knew I wanted to be involved.  I have emailed the company and am waiting to hear back.  This is something I would seriously love to take part in.  It's something I would have wanted to be involved in whether Carter had gotten leukemia or not.  I love being involved in charity type of things and providing a service that maybe not everyone can provide and give something to a family in need that may not be able to afford it otherwise.  I like to think of myself as a "pay it forward" kind of person.  (I'm sure I have more than my fair share of "selfish" moments... I should work on that!) So, hopefully at some point when we get Carter into the maintenance phase of his chemotherapy (in 6 months) I can start serving like that.  We'll see if this company accepts me.  If not, then I'll just try to do it on my own.  I'm sure I can give the oncologist my cards and she can pass it along to people who would be interested. 

Go Green... ~Colorado Springs Children Photographer

**Side note:  We did this the night of the 16th in order to assure he wouldn't get pinched Those who know Carter well know his favorite color is green.  Always has been and I kinda think it always will be.  We decided that since his hair is going to be falling out in the next month or something why not have some fun.  I am probably going to be one of those moms who tells him as a teenager that he'll look like a complete idiot if he dyes his hair some crazy color like green.  But this is so temporary and I think it will make the hair falling out a little easier on him.  Chelsea brought her daughter, Taeler over (the only child I have allowed near him aside from my own) and we went to town.  Chels does hair in all her spare time so it was good to have her there to help me.  We bleached the fo-hawk so that the color would really stick.  Then came the GREEN!  Here's a play by play of the evening.

Step one: Bleach

Dying the hair green

The side view

Beads of Courage~ Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

Beads of Courage One of my favorite things about Carter having Leukemia (if there is such a thing as "favorite things") is the Beads of Courage program.  For every little mile stone Carter overcomes he gets a bead.  I know it doesn't sound like much but it's actually pretty cool.  Each specific color/shape of a bead means something.  For example, for each time they draw blood he gets a black bead.  For each day he spends in the hospital he gets a yellow one.  Surgery they get a cool star shaped one (of which Carter will have THREE by the time he's one month into this thing).  Chemo is a white bead.  When the Child Life Specialist comes he gets one with a smiley face.  He also has beads that spell his name and one that has the hospital's name on it with "Beads of Courage" on the other side.  As of right now Carter has over 70 beads- yep, he's been through a lot in the last week and a half.  He will continue to get beads over the next three years from the clinic each time he has chemo or anything like that.  I really like the program and love their explanation as to WHY they chose beads for this program.  Carter looks forward to receiving beads as well.  Yesterday he earned 9 beads for the following things: surgery, getting his port removed, being neutropenic, spending a day at the hospital, being in isolation, getting a spinal tap, chemo, having blood drawn, and receiving platelets.

Beads of Courage

As for how Carter's doing, he's doing great.  Aside from the whole bacteria infection (which they caught immediately and they kicked that within days) and his yeast flare up, we can't complain.  Because of the yeast, the surgeon had to remove his port.  Bummer.  Once yeast are in a port there's no getting them out so the port had to be removed and he had to get a normal IV.  This also means that any time he needs blood drawn for the remainder of the time we are at the hospital (until hopefully only Friday afternoon) they will need to poke him (he earns a bead!)... not Carter's favorite past time.  Once we have three yeast-free blood cultures (which SHOULD be on Friday, they will take out the IV, put in a PICC line (another bead!), and send us on our way.  After a  few weeks once Carter's body has had time to heal up a little, we'll come back to the hospital and he'll get another port in (more beads!).... a nice, clean, yeast-free port that should be in there for the remainder of his treatment.

This has been a tough little journey so far and I've been encouraged to talk to others who have been through this.  At this point, I just need to deal with what's in front of me.  Every case of A.L.L. is different and every child that has it reacts differently to the meds, chemo, steroids, etc.  I know I should reach out for answers from other moms... but I know it will just scare me.  Right now, ignorance is truly bliss for me.  I don't google Leukemia.  I don't call those mom's people have told me about.  I haven't talked to the other mothers in the hospital with children with cancer.  I just want to be.  You know?  I want to go through this with Bryan, Carter, and my cute healthy little girls.  I have always loved my family but I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little more patient these days.... if I didn't let Addi stay up a little late and watch Ariel with me while snuggling on the couch... if I didn't drive through places to get the girls a shake a little more often.  I have a new appreciation for my sweet family, and I feel like I'm a mommy who has always appreciated them; one who truly loves to be a stay-at-home mom; one who tries to remember "these days will be gone before you know it" when they are driving me batty and throwing tantrums for no apparent reason.  I love my family and I am the luckiest girl in the world to have them with me forever and ever.

Little Sleeper

The Surgery ~March 13, 2011 ~Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

Carter and Daddy right before surgery. (Taken on my iPhone.) I seriously adore this picture.

Last Sunday Carter had to have surgery.  Because his road to recovery is going to be such a long one filled with so many "pokes", with Leukemia, they put a port in your chest.  (I know they do this with other kinds of cancers as well.)  A port is basically a circle about the size of a 1/2 dollar and about a 1/4 inch  or so thick with an IV tube running out one side.  They put it under Carter's skin in his chest and ran the IV to his heart.  From that point forward they will always run his Chemo, his transfusions, his meds through this port.  It's MUCH easier.  They don't have to poke him nearly as much and while we are here in the hospital they just have it permanently accessed so there is NO MORE POKING!!!  YEAH!!!

Carter showing us his cancer port

While they had him under the knife they did a spinal tap to see if there was cancer in his spine.  (There wasn't.  Phew!)  I wish I could say that was going to be his only spinal over the next 3 years but... When I asked the oncologist how many spinal taps he would received she sighed and said "I can't begin to count..."  Bummer.  But normally it will be in the clinic and he'll just be drugged and not all the way under.  They also did a bone marrow biopsy.  As they suspected, nearly everything in the bone marrow was cancer infested.  That should change.  Frankly, it's probably already changed.  The doctor said if we looked again today the bone marrow would be pretty much empty.  Strange, huh?  The doctors that did his surgery were AWESOME.  They joked with him and teased him while prepping him.  He kept telling the anesthesiologist that he wasn't going to fall asleep.   When they went back to the actual surgery and the doctor told him to count down from 10 and then he would fall asleep.  He said, "No I won't!  10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1! (as fast as he could)  See?  I'm not asleep!"  So the doctor said, "Well, Carter, you can't count that fast.  Try counting down from 100."  Carter: "100?!  That's gunna take forever!  I'm not going to fall asleep!"  And then he passed out.  One thing I was very happy about is that they let Bryan go back with him until he fell asleep.  One thing Carter was happy about is that he got to ride down the hallway and in an elevator in his bed.  He seriously thought it was the coolest thing ever.  The surgery went off without a hitch and it was short and sweet.  And Carter took it like a champ.

Passing the Time~ Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

The hospital is awesome.  Seriously, there's tons to do here, considering.  There are so many board games to play, Wii's to borrow, nurses to talk to, iPads to play, DS's to play, books to read, legos to build, play dough to make with the Child Life specialist.... all kinds of things.  It's been so much fun spending so much quality time with Carter.  Don't get me wrong, I wish it was under different circumstances, but it is what it is, so we deal with it and move forward.  Building legos with Daddy in the hospital.

That being said, I have my breakdowns.  I really try to stay positive.  As my dear grandmother always say, "The power of positive thinking!"  You have no idea how many times I have said that in my head the past week.  I am trying my hardest to stay positive.  When I'm with Carter, it's easy.  He's doing really well.  Tons of energy and spunk; has more questions than anyone I know.... it's when I'm at home laying in bed.  When it's Bryan's turn to sleep at the hospital. Or when I'm taking a shower.  When things are nice and quiet my brain starts to go to the uncharted world of the "What if's"... It's a DANGEROUS place and one I try to spend as little time in as possible.

A close friend of mine from Arizona (and one I will eternally love and look up to) sent me a wonderful email.  She referred me to a scripture from the New Testament.  John 14:18.  It says "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."  How wonderful is that scripture?  The scriptures are amazing and Bryan and I read them daily.  But every now and then when you read one that you TRULY feel is written for you and your family, they seem to come to life.  I know I will read and reread that scripture over the next 3 years.  I know our Father in Heaven will not leave us.  He loves us as much as (probably even more) than we love our little ones.  That is something Bryan and I never forget.  We know that whatever happens IS for a reason; a reason much more long term that we realize.  But we know Carter will be ok.  He'll pull through this like a champ and be a much stronger person in the end for it.

Leukemia ~Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

Carter is our oldest son (and only son, actually), a sweet 5 1/2 year old boy. A few weeks ago, we noticed that Carter was getting tired really easily and was starting to look pale (which is really saying something since his complexion is normally already very Casper-the-Friendly-Ghost like). He was also complaining of stomach aches and random pains in different parts of his body. His doctor thought that they might be Abdominal Migraines(we hadn't ever heard of them either) and started him on some medication. The medication (at least we thought it was the meds) were making him even MORE tired. It was ridiculous. His teacher talked to me about how he was always so sluggish, he was falling asleep at his friends houses (SO unlike him), he couldn't wait for bed time, he wouldn't join in on my dance parties with the kids... things like that. His doctor asked to see him immediately, gave him an exam (a quite thorough one) and ordered some tests. During the exam he was asking us some very random questions ("Has he been waking up in the middle of the night?" Ummm... a little bit which IS strange for him. "Have his lips been fuller than normal?" Actually, yes. I had even commented to Bryan about that.) The doctor, who we just adore, assured us it was more than likely anemia and nothing more. While examining Carter he had spent WAY too long feeling around his arm pits. Of course the first thing we think is "lumps". I asked him why he was lingering there and he said he felt some VERY small masses. They were small and kinda squishy so they were more than likely nothing. He said if he wasn't looking for them specifically he wouldn't even have felt them. But he did have some reason for concern so he ordered tons of tests. We, of course, worried of the worst case scenario. After a lot of time waiting (it was only 6 or so hours but that's a LONG time when you're scared) we had to take Carter to get MORE blood drawn. By this point it was 4 in the afternoon and we were very worried we would have to wait through the weekend to find out what was going on since the pediatrician closed at 5. We were worried it was something serious... you know, like mono or pneumonia. (If only!!) Dr Kim (the ped) called a little after 5:00 and said he should know within the hour what the results were but that they had crossed off bone cancer and liver problems. That's good, but scary they were looking at things so serious. He had given the lab his cell phone number and had my number in his phone. About 6:30 the doctor texted me and said the lab was rechecking something but he should know within the next 30 minutes or so. I, once again, started to cry. Why on earth would they need to recheck normal lab results. Obviously something wasn't right. He finally called me a VERY long hour later (while Bryan was at Costco of course) with the news. He was 98% sure. He was SO sweet while talking to me. (What a HORRIBLE call to give!) He had been on the phone with the oncologist (whom he kept calling the hematologist- she's both- I think as to not further scare me) and with the hospitals all over Colorado Springs trying to find a bed. He sent us immediately to the closest one with an open bed and told us to cancel our trip to California next week.  He then asked me if I was religious and prayed with me over the phone. It made me love that doctor that much more. (He had BIG shoes to fill after my super awesome doctor in AZ.) The fact that he didn't care if it was breaking doctor rules was so great to me.  He just wanted to comfort a crying mother who had just received some very heartbreaking news.

After being a human pin-cushion over the next 24 hours, Carter was officially diagnosed with leukemia, specifically pre-B cell Acute Lymphoniblastic Leukemia. (A.L.L.) Of all the kinds of cancers, this is the "best" one. We were obviously devastated, as all of the worst-case scenarios flooded our minds. It was the beginning of a very scary journey. Thanks to some wonderful doctors and nurses, our minds were put a little at ease as they informed us that of all the types of leukemias, Carter has the most treatable and curable form. They taught us that leukemia, unlike solid cancers, is cancer of the blood. That means it is everywhere almost immediately (they think he's only had it two weeks or so), which makes early diagnosing and treatment very important. Carter's bone marrow, which usually makes all of his blood cells, was malfunctioning and only creating a type of white blood cell, B-cell, at a very rapid rate. So rapid in fact, that those types of cells took over the blood producing marrow and Carter was unable to produce oxygen carrying red blood cells, platelets that help with clotting, infection fighting white blood cells, etc. After a few platelet and blood transfusions, (and a formal diagnosing) Carter was taken to surgery where he was given a spinal tap, had a bone marrow biopsy (NOT transplant) from his little hip, and had a port placed in the left upper part of his chest, that will remain there for easy chemo treatments for the next few (2-3) years. This is the point we are at now. (It is SO strange to think that a little over 48 hours ago our lives were 100% different. 48 hours ago I couldn't even spell leukemia.-- although I bet Bryan could. He's quite the smarty pants.) The chemotherapy should begin to work immediately, and in the next week most of the cancer cells should be dead or dying. However, because leukemia goes wherever there is blood, which is just about every square millimeter of your body, it is very difficult to get rid of it completely without lengthy chemo treatments. So, the next 6 months will be a very intensive chemo regimen (during which Carter will lose his hair- hat time!!) followed by 2-3 years of maintenance chemotherapy. He will start losing his hair in a few weeks and be pretty darn miserable for the next 6 months. (And we hear we will too with the steroids they will be giving him. Turns him into a major crank, I guess.) But, obviously this will all be worth it to have our healthy little boy back. It's strange to think that when he finally gets this port out of his body he will be preparing to be baptized... that seems SO far away. Carter has been a real trooper. Aside from a few rough hours after surgery, he's been in good spirits and has been soaking up all the cute nurses and TONS of attention he's getting. He has borrowed a DS, watched movies on the iPad, watched Star Wars with Daddy late at night, gotten shakes, cookies, treats (as well as healthy food), and played countless games with Mom or Dad- one of which is always with him. This has obviously not been a fun experience for him, and will only get worse before it gets better, but he has had a pretty good attitude through it all, at least for a 5 year old with cancer. :) We are so blessed to have in our family. We know that this will be a learning experience for us all, and that we will grow closer as a family and closer to our Savior and Father in Heaven through this. We are absolutely amazed and blown away by the amount of support, prayers, thoughts, and fasting we have received the past two days. Our inboxes are literally busting at the seams. Our prayers are FULL of things to be thankful for. We are SO grateful my girls and Bryan and I are healthy. We are so grateful Carter is getting the help he needs. We are SO grateful for those kind souls that donate blood and platelets. We are so thankful for modern medicine. If this was 40 years ago there would have been NO hope. We are so grateful for perfect strangers that are praying and fasting for a little 5 year old boy they have never and more than likely will never meet. We are grateful for facebook! The word spread so fast through facebook which allowed so many more people to keep our little fighter in their prayers. We have definitely asked the question "Why?" through this. But not with anger. We wonder why the Lord has given us this challenge. What are we suppose to learn here?  How are we suppose to grow in order to learn what the Lord wants us to learn.  One thing we know for sure is that the Lord will NOT give us something we cannot handle.  We are going to kick the crap out of this cancer!  A few weeks ago I was listening to an old friend tell me about her 5 year old nephew with cancer.  I said to her, "I don't know how your brother and sister-in-law do it. That would literally kill me... watching my 5 year old suffer through cancer." (should have knocked on wood, I guess.) But, with the Lord's help, all is possible.

Things I never thought I would say that have come out of my mouth over the last 48 hours: ~I hope it's just pneumonia. ~My son has cancer? ~I'm so glad it's just Leukemia. ~This could be SO much worse. ~Let's dye Carter's hair blue!! It's gunna fall out anyways.  (**He wants green**) ~MAKE A WISH!?!? We get to apply for that? AWESOME! ~Do you think if we took Carter to Disneyland while he's still bald that they'll let us cut in front of everyone on all the lines? We should really look into that. ~"Hey Bryan, did you ever think we would spend our 8 year anniversary in the hospital room of our little boy with Cancer?" His response "Yep. I've been imagining this day since I was a little boy." (goofball) ~Man, having a kid with cancer really helps me take off those last few pounds. (Lost 3 already.) ~Our child WILL be a cancer survivor. Thank you everyone, once again, for the countless prayers. We can say without a shadow of a doubt, the prayers are the reason we are getting by. Our testimonies have only grown (not as fast as the cancer, but pretty darn fast!) and our Savior is near by. This is one of those times that He is carrying us, and we truly appreciate it. Our Father in Heaven loves our Carter as much as we do... and we will never ever doubt that. Hug your babies a little longer today; life changes quickly.

This little guy got some new legos because he was brave when he got his blood drawn

Aperture

As I mentioned previously, three things are involved in learning how to take pictures with your camera in manual... which in my opinion is the ONLY way to get a picture to look the way you want it to look.  One of those key ingredients is aperture.  Aperture is basically what is in and out of focus.  So, if you like the look of the background being out of focus, you will want to shoot "wipe open" as they say, or in other words, with a low aperture number.  What that will do is help you create an image with the subject in focus and the background out of focus.  You need to make sure you are focusing on the subject, of course.  :) Something else you must remember is that aperture is just one corner of the "triangle".  If you are properly exposed (you have the right amount of light coming into your camera so that your SUBJECT is lit nicely) and you mess with the aperture, it will "pull", so to speak, on one corner of the triangle.  If you change your aperture, you will need to adjust your shutter speed and/or ISO to keep your triangle balanced.

Example of shooting "wide open"

In the picture above my aperture was set at 1.4 (you will often see it like this: f/1.4).  That is as wide open as that particular lens will go.  Aperture is based on the lens, NOT the camera.  (Shutter speed and ISO are dependant on your camera, unlike aperture).  If you look closely, you can tell that I focused on the subject's right eye (my left).  It is clear and crisp.  Because I shot so wide open, even his left eye and ear are slightly out of focus.  You also can't tell what is in the background (which in this case is a good thing :)).  The red arrow is pointing to the arm of the couch that is he sitting on.  You can't even really tell that's what it is.

Shooting wide open is a great thing... as long as you aren't shooting TOO wide open.  People seem to think "the wider, the better".  Not always.  In fact, for me, rarely is wider better.  You have to think of what you want in focus.  I like my entire subject's face in focus.  Both eyes.  Mouth.  Stuff like that.  So, I generally stick around 2.8 or tighter.  I DO like the background out of focus.  Especially if you have nice pretty light back there.  Bokeh is a beautiful thing.

You have to think about pictures you are taking of two or more people as well.  If someone is standing slightly in front of the other person, you need to take that into account when setting your aperture.  If I'm taking family pictures I NEVER shoot wider than 5.6. (Only made that mistake once.)  So, my aperture number will be 5.6 or higher.  You want to make sure that everyone is in focus.  (there are, of course, exceptions.)  I know if I was a client there's no way I would pay big bucks to have a fancy picture of my family if two of my kids were slightly blurry.

My aperture is set at 13.0 in this picture

Ok, in this picture I focused on the same spot (can you tell he was annoyed that I was taking time away from the Wii?)  The difference in this picture than the previous one is that I changed my aperture to f/13.  That's much tighter therefore much more will be in focus and there is not nearly the amount of light coming into my camera as when I was shooting wide open.  Because I tightened my aperture, I had to adjust my other settings to make sure he was still properly exposed.  I changed my shutter speed slightly but most of the change came from the ISO.  It went from 250 in the first picture to 4000.  BIG change.  But, that's what I had to do to make sure he wasn't nearly black.  You can also tell much better what is in the back ground since I shot tighter (remember, more in focus).  Obviously, both eyes are not in focus.  There's a wadded up purple Tinkerbell blanket just past the arm of the couch.  And who can miss the hubby's drying hoody? (laundry day.)  Big difference from the first picture, right?  In this case, I like the wide open shot better.  :)

At the end of the day, aperture is a powerful tool.  It is so much fun to play with and can completely change the mood of your image.  Play around with it.  You'll be shocked at how much more you'll like your images once you have a better understanding of it.  Good luck!

The Photography Triangle

When I first starting getting my feet wet in the world of photography it quickly became apparent that three settings on my camera COMPLETELY controlled the outcome of my image.  There are other things involved (like background, focus... stuff like that) but understanding these three things is absolutely mandatory if you want to have a nicely lit, properly exposed picture.  Shutter speed, ISO, and Aperture are the magic words.  (Those attached articles are by a photographer who I don't know personally but I have a great amount of respect for, both personally and professionally.  Go check them out!) The only way to control these things is to shoot in manual.  So, buck up and go for it!  I started shooting in manual right when I got my first camera.  When the kids would play outside I would sit outside while they ran wildly and take pictures of things that WEREN'T moving... like my feet.  Or a tree.  Or a flower.  When I would get a picture I liked I would try to figure out what I did right.  I finally figured out that if I was properly exposed and then I changed something, like my shutter speed, the light coming into my camera changed.  So, if I changed my shutter speed to catch an action shot, for example, I would have to compensate by changing either my aperture or my ISO.

Over the next few weeks I will be posting how to control each of these three parts of the pgotography triangle and what difference (aside from light) they will make to your picture.  For now, the thing you need to remember is that each of these three things will either let more light in or keep light out depending on how you adjust them.  And light, my friends, is the number one thing you MUST understand to get a true understanding of photography.Aperture, Shutter Speed, and ISO.  Three things that make or break your image.

Castlewood Canyon~ Colorado Springs Children Photographer

One thing I love about Colorado are all the national parks. I know Arizona has them and so does California but I decided when we moved here that we need to get out more.  The kids are finally getting to the ages that they can go and play.  Together.  And have fun.  Together.  With us.  It's pretty much awesome. We still have nap for the wee one but until then it's party time.  So, off we went last month to a great national park, Castlewood Canyon. It was really fun. Preslee REFUSED to sit in the stroller (shocking) and would N.O.T. stay out of the snow (again, shocking).  The other two were whining 30 minutes into our walk (on pavement... not like it was a real hike) so THEY ended up in the stroller while we chased P around.  But, still, super fun.  I love my family so so much.  They are the best in the whole world.  I can't imagine more adorable kids or a more stellar husband.  We all have so much fun together and I can't believe I get to be with all these goofballs for eternity.

Children enjoying the beautiful scenery this Denver area park provides.

Brother and sister enjoying the view of the canyon below.

Snow, Snow, Go Away... ~ Colorado Springs Nature Photographer

And, honestly, please don't come back until at least December.  I'm not built for snow.  I'm a San Diego girl at heart.  I did spend a few years up in Utah going to BYU (Go Cougs!) and decided after being frozen out of my car -I literally could NOT get the car door open- that Arizona's heat was a good fit for me.  Turns out that my sweet Bryan was an even better fit for me so I was easily convinced to move up to Colorado Springs to have him home more.  Totally worth it; don't get me wrong.  But this snow has got to go away.  The past two weeks have been beautiful, which was great after a few weeks of nasty wind and snow.  But then today it came back.  It wasn't suppose to... it was suppose to be chilly with a little rain... but nope.  There's for sure snow.  Annoying.  I was getting my hopes all kinds of up thinking spring was in the air... but alas... it is not.  Lame.  At least the snow is beautiful, even if it's not fun to drive in... or walk in... or anything in.  There's not enough to sled and Carter's sick so we're just kinda house ridden.  Lamer.  Oh well... Snow covered trees in colorado springs

Snow Covered Tree in Colorado Springs

Christmas tree in Colorado Springs

Little Miss "Into Everything"~ Colorado Springs Children Photographer

First of all, I ADORE this child.  I mean, I love her head to toe, inside and out.  She has a zest for life unlike any other child I've met.  BUT... (saw that coming, huh?) she reminds me a touch of the Tasmanian Devil.  She is literally into everything.  EV. ERY. THING.  If she can reach it, she opens it.  If there's something in it, she takes it out.  If she can climb on it, she does.  And to her, it's completely funny.  Always.  *sigh*.  I fear Bryan and I have our work cut out for us with this one.... Curiousity

Children getting into everything

I'm a Canon Girl~ Colorado Springs Photographer

I pink puffy heart my camera.  People ask my all the time what I shoot with.  I'm Canon through and through.  Got nothing against Nikon or anything else... I just have a little crush on my Canon.  Which Canon, you ask?  Why, it's a Canon 5D Mark II.  And it. is. awesome.  AWE-SOME. When I first got started I bought a Canon 20D.  It was a great camera for me... but I wanted more.  After taking several classes, spending tons of money on equipment, (I'll go into both of those some other time) I finally splurged and got myself my dream camera.  Don't get me wrong, there's still a TON that I want (again, a list for another day) but I am so content with my camera.

One piece of advise I would give to someone who is camera hunting is don't feel like you have to "go big or go home".  I know several amazing photographers who use a Canon Rebel and they take awesome pictures.  Look around on Craigslist if you don't have the funds to get a new one.  (But MAKE SURE you check for certain no-nos.  Email me and I'll tell you what to look out for.)

People have also asked me why Canon.  I don't have a solid answer for that one.  Like I said before, I've got nothing against Nikon.  In fact, one of my very best friends shoots Nikon.  A mentor of mine once told me to "get what your friends have".  It was solid advise.  This way,  I can borrow a lens to see if I like it.  I can call and ask technical questions.  I can ask if they are running into the same issues as I am with one thing or another.  Most of my photography friends shoot Canon so I leaned that way from the beginning and ended up finding a Canon camera to begin with.  Bottom line, though, is that when you are looking to buy a pricey camera with the ability of switching lenses, you can't really go wrong.  Get what feels good when you're holding it.  What works with the size hands you have?  (These suckers are pretty darn big, especially once you have a massive lens on them.)  Ask around.  Ask the people at the camera store what they shoot with and why?  Have they ever shot with another type of camera?  If so, why did they switch?  Then ask another employee what they shoot with and why.  You'll be shocked at how much you can learn from just asking around.  And, don't waste your time going to Best Buy or something like that.  Go to a REAL camera store.  One where all employees are photographers.  You'll make a much more informed decision doing it that way.

All in all, a camera is a great thing to invest in.  It's the gift that keeps on giving.  No matter how many times Bryan rolls his eyes, he loves that I take pictures of the kids.  And so do I.  That's why I got into it to begin with... and I haven't looked back.  It's been a great journey that is FAR from over!

Jennifer Wyeth

Love~ Colorado Springs Family Photographer

I'm sure they have similar pictures from when they were in college.... YEARS ago! :) Having my family come visit was a BLAST!  They are use to be beautiful, calm, predictable San Diego weather.  Well, they got anything BUT that when they came to see us in our new home.  My neices prayed and prayed for snow and, boy, was their prayer ever answered.  It was so great having all the snow.  We played, went sledding, played some more, and had more hot chocolate than I think we've had in our entire lives combined.  I can't WAIT for them to come back!!!

Kelly Dearest- Colorado Springs Family Photographer

Colorado Family Pictures on the snow I'm so excited about this new blog!  I'm excited to spend time in the future (or pay someone if it ends up being over my head) to spend time customizing it so it goes with my branding and style.  I have spent a lot of time revamping my business since I have moved and I think I'm FINALLY there!  It's a MIRACLE!

I can't think of a better person to start my new blog off with other than my amazing, OLDER sister.  :)  She's wonderful.  She's one of my very bestest friends in the world and I miss her so so much!  I'm so glad that she and her family moved back to Poway so that every time I go home I'll be able to see her.  Isn't she just so darn perty?  Clearly, it runs in the family!  :)