The hospital is awesome. Seriously, there's tons to do here, considering. There are so many board games to play, Wii's to borrow, nurses to talk to, iPads to play, DS's to play, books to read, legos to build, play dough to make with the Child Life specialist.... all kinds of things. It's been so much fun spending so much quality time with Carter. Don't get me wrong, I wish it was under different circumstances, but it is what it is, so we deal with it and move forward.
That being said, I have my breakdowns. I really try to stay positive. As my dear grandmother always say, "The power of positive thinking!" You have no idea how many times I have said that in my head the past week. I am trying my hardest to stay positive. When I'm with Carter, it's easy. He's doing really well. Tons of energy and spunk; has more questions than anyone I know.... it's when I'm at home laying in bed. When it's Bryan's turn to sleep at the hospital. Or when I'm taking a shower. When things are nice and quiet my brain starts to go to the uncharted world of the "What if's"... It's a DANGEROUS place and one I try to spend as little time in as possible.
A close friend of mine from Arizona (and one I will eternally love and look up to) sent me a wonderful email. She referred me to a scripture from the New Testament. John 14:18. It says "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." How wonderful is that scripture? The scriptures are amazing and Bryan and I read them daily. But every now and then when you read one that you TRULY feel is written for you and your family, they seem to come to life. I know I will read and reread that scripture over the next 3 years. I know our Father in Heaven will not leave us. He loves us as much as (probably even more) than we love our little ones. That is something Bryan and I never forget. We know that whatever happens IS for a reason; a reason much more long term that we realize. But we know Carter will be ok. He'll pull through this like a champ and be a much stronger person in the end for it.