*Sigh* ~Colorado Springs Cancer Photographer

Remember this cute hair?  Weel, everytime I touch Carter's head more of it ends up in my palm.  It makes me really sad.  This kid has always had awesome hair.  Thick, beautiful, straight, soft.  I had a good cry over it yesterday.  After I trimmed up the sides I commented to Bryan that it was really course.  Strange for him.  He said it was probably dying.  NOT what I wanted to hear.  After he showered off I was spiking his hair and it was coming out by the handfuls.  Since then I have been touching it as little as possible.  I told him it was probably time to shave it but he doesn't want to.  He thinks people will make fun of him and that he'll look weird.  I assured him that it will be very obvious that he has cancer and that adults will be really, really nice to him.  I told him he needs to milk it.  :)  I have found that we MUST look for the silver lining in order to stay afloat. This is the first thing that has been hard for Carter.  I mean, truly hard.  He's quite logical.  He knows this needs to happen to get his blood healthy.  He knows it will grow back.  I told him hopefully by Halloween it will start growing back (to which he replies: "I hope it doesn't grow back til after Halloween because I want to be Yoda and he's bald."  Silver lining.)  He wants it to grow back just the same color and texture that it is now.  (Well, not green, but his natural color.)  He knows it's falling out at a pretty good rate but he says until there are bald patches he doesn't want to shave it.

He'll win this argument with me.  This is the last shred of "normalcy" this poor kid has.  He can't play sports.  He can't really go to friends houses.  He can't run errands with me.  He can't even go to school.  And now the hair.  Our hair is part of who we are.  We (or most of us) do something with it daily.  Whether it's spike it into a mo-hawk like Carter, pull it into a pony like most mommy's, or spend an hour making it look perfect like most teenage girls, we all have hair.  And every last 5 year old that Carter knows has hair.  And he sees that.  My heart hurts for him.  He's taking it like a man, but this is something he shouldn't have to deal with.  He just shouldn't.  But he is.  He'll get over it.  I think the fear of the unknown is what's getting him right now.  Once it's all gone he'll just roll with it.  I know he will.  Because he's strong.  He's a fighter.  And I love him for it.